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vicemag: Making Cocktails Out of Household Items You’re too stupid to figure out how to use the Silk Road and the dog has eaten all of your weed again. What are you gonna do? Well, in a sane world, you do what generations of stupid, bored children have done before you and reach for the medicine cabinet. A few of mom’s Valiums and a wine glass of NyQuil never hurt anyone, right? Of course they haven’t, but then where’s the fun in getting fucked up if you’re not stunt piloting through whole new stratospheres of gettingfuckedupness? The LA Times reckons that kids have been flooding into California’s hospitals after glugging hand sanitizer. Apparently it’s not that good for you, with side effects ranging from diarrhea and short-term memory loss to blindness and irreversible organ damage. But does it have to come to that? Maybe not, because I spent a few minutes on Google and found a bunch of other things that I could, if I was insane, put in my mouth the next time I’m at a house party and the only stuff in the fridge are a few stalks of celery, some out-of-date hummus, and a couple cans of Molson Ice. OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER IF YOU ARE AN IDIOT: DON’T ACTUALLY DRINK ANY OF THESE DRINKS. I ONLY TOOK TINY SIPS OUT OF THEM AND YOU AREN’T AS TOUGH AS MEMouthwash Mojito Ingredients: 1.5 x cups of Listerine Original mouthwash12 x mint leaves1 x tbsp sugar1 x cup of lime juice3 x cups of soda First, I painstakingly placed mint leaves in the bottom of the glass. For some reason if your mojito takes less than half an hour to make, it’s not as good. Then I added my crushed ice, splashed in a generous dose of Listerine, some sugar, some lime juice, and shook it like I was a TGI Friday’s barman and my tip depended on it. Then I sprayed in some soda water and added even more mint, as if it wasn’t gonna taste enough like a halitosis cure already. What did it taste like? You know when your mom told you to never swallow Listerine when you were a kid? Even though that refreshing, minty taste had you wanting to so much? It’s not because it was highly poisonous (well, it is a bit), it’s because she didn’t want you getting slammed before bedtime (its alcohol content is 26.9 percent; about the same as a strong gin). True, one report in the Emergency Medical Journal states that drinking mouthwash could (could) lead to: “severe anion-gap metabolic acidosis and osmolar gap, multiorgan system failure, and death”, which sounds bad, but these are the same people who claim Jack Daniel’s should be enjoyed “responsibly.” You know, I could see this catching on; people sipping the green stuff on little tables on summer days, like a ghetto creme de menthe. Update: It’s three days later and I still can’t get the taste out of my mouth. I thought it’d be kinda irresponsible not to let you know that. CONTINUE
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Give me that jumper.
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Lills. (Taken with instagram)
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Goldie.
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tresbienshop: Nike Huarache Free! www.tresbienshop.com
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Pow. (Taken with instagram)
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